Violent Roses

Wednesday, 01 June 2016 07:42

A friend of mine sent me a clip recently that I found really poignant.    

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.

I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.. It wasn't our Anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.

It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and Bruised all over.

I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again:] xx, it was much worse than all the other Times.
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money?

I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today...
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my Funeral.

Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I Had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.



I began to ask myself questions that go beyond the above. How can we really deal with this deadly habit? The more I tried to probe, the more it became apparent that Domestic Violence, with all its apparent dire consequences must prompt everyone of us to ask more questions, not just the typical 'men don't abuse our women' but rather where is this animalistic tendency coming from, and how can we stop it?

The act of perpetuating violence against another! Is it from the heart or the head, from the perpetrator or from inheritance, from sin or from curses, from anger or from brawn?

Is it not fair to conclude that if these questions and more can be answered, perhaps we may begin to appreciate how to deal with this menace?

Someone said it’s a combination of all. I agree. If so, then I say plainly that it is an evidence of weakness from the perpetrator, rather than a display of strength.

Righteousness (Strength), we know exalts a nation but sin (weakness) is a reproach. Righteousness therefore is an evidence of strength, whilst sin is clear evidence of weakness. Wherever there is evidence of violence, there is a permeating fear, anxiety and an attempt to cover a weakness. It means therefore that we need to deal more with the fundamental weakness through all known remedies rather than the cosmetic.

Lets go to the root.

One thing I know for sure is the fact that there is a vicious circle involved.
Which flows from ‘Incident’ to ‘Making Up’ to ‘Calm’ to ‘Tension Building’ and this last phase of tension building usually leads back to Incident, hence an unending cycle. The circle has to be broken. Someone will need to admit to a weakness beyond just feeling sorry to 'godly sorrow'. 
Secondly, we need to ask the man and the woman to begin to look again more deeply beyond the act of DV, but into the essence of their relationship, their persons and their souls. What is in it that provokes 'violence' without not necessarily justifying an act, we need to be true to ourselves and say, “Let’s follow a definite course of action and help each other”. Let’s teach complete and true calmness, lets teach full reconciliation, forgetting and forgiveness, let’s learn how tension can disappear, and how we can permanently close the door against the 'incident', and if all fail, lets ask for help...NOW. Lets do it both ways: the man and the woman.



NCC Edmonton


65, Church Street, 
Edmonton, London, N9 9PY. 
Email : info@nccedmonton.org.uk



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